Yesterday, we were treated to the unedifying spectacle of our temporary Prime Minister (temporary? Well, by the time I finish this, he may well be ex-PM!) blustering and rambling during PMQs promising to set his civil servants on the trail of the dastardly Covid Busters. He says Simon Case will conduct a thorough investigation into the events which led to the downfall of his Special Advisor, Allegra Stratton. He reported he was "sick" and "furious at reports of this party/not-a-party that took place/didn't take place in his house on December 18th last year, at a time when the government had decreed that gatherings of more than a handful of people and parties were forbidden as part of the Covid legislation. All good. A proper "drains up" investigation.

Not quite. I learned from the Byline Times today that the investigation would cover only the events/non-events of December 18th. It will NOT cover allegations of a similar event at Number 10 on 27th November which Johnson allegedly attended. Of course, there would not be any point in investigating that one; Dominic Cummings has today assured us on Twitter that there was no party that day:

"There was no party on Fri 27/11. Red herring. A staff member left their job. Walked to press office to say bye, PM bumbled in & started babbling, everyone embarrassed, dispersed. Focus shd be actual party in PM's flat Fri 13/11 reported AT THE TIME but ignored by lobby!" 

https://twitter.com/Dominic2306/status/1468901949970042885

This would be the same D. Cummings who left Downing St on November 13th. Who will forget those TV images of him scurrying through the gathering evening gloom, carrying his worldly goods and chattels in that cardboard box? So, Dom the Departed can assure us that a party at his place of employment which he had left 2 weeks earlier never actually happened?

To summarise;

Illegal party on December 18th. Johnson didn't attend. INVESTIGATE!

Illegal party on November 27th which Johnson did attend. DO NOT INVESTIGATE!

And then we come to that bastion of righteousness, the Metropolitan Police. They are ducking their responsibilities, saying they won't be investigating any historic allegations of Covid regulation breaches. Well, there's a spot of good news for those in London with a propensity to go around stabbing people. Keep your heads down for a year or so and the Met won't bother you. In their words: "It is not our policy to investigate retrospective breaches of the Covid regulations". I presume there must be a dart board in New Scotland Yard with various pieces of legislation at which darts can be thrown and a rigorous process of "Prosecute/Don't prosecute" selection set in motion. For the record; it wasn't always that way. During the period of party/non-party last year they "Prosecute" fairy was running things and the Met handed out penalties ranging from £500 for not wearing a face covering to £10,000 for taking part in a gathering.

Picture the scene in the top floor garret over number 10 on December 18th: "what's that row coming from downstairs dear?" "Nothing Carrie. It's just the mice scrambling around in the skirting boards". "Oh. Mice you say. Does that account for all the cheese I saw going though the back door earlier then?" "Indeed it does dear". Along with the boxes of fizz and vino collapso".