Well, I can offer some.
In today's news, we learn that a school in Essex (it had to be Essex, didn't it?) has banned the provision of triangular flapjacks to the inmates.
This follows an incident when "during a food fight", a pupil was hit by a flapjack thrown by a fellow moron.
Now this school is run by a headmaster who, presumably, had to demonstrate possession of more than a couple of neurons when being interviewed for his high salary job.
Well it seems even they have deserted him (or her). Think on this, idiot:
The incident arose when the inmates were throwing food about.
Get a grip of yourself! Sort out the discipline problems your school is obviously beset with.
Punch a few of the inmates between the eyes the next time they think it is clever to throw food around.
That will fix your issues faster than banning traingular flapjacks!
Oh yes, you should perhaps make a note to self; "should attend geometry classes".
While banning triangular shaped food items, he (she (I don't know)) has approved the serving of square or rectangular flapjacks.
Jones Minor thinking "Whoa! If I take a knife and cut the flapjack from this corner to the opposite corner, what have I got? A pair of triangular flapjacks. Shit hot!"
To use the term "thick" to describe the head of this school does a great dis-service to the word "thick"!
Want some more proof?
The government is about to dump some of the finest services this country has; the helicopter borne air/sea rescue service currently operated by HM Coastguard, the Royal Navy and the Royal Air Force. The Coastguard is currently being eviscerated anyway with stations being closed, staff being sacked etc.
Don't worry, the services will not just disappear. They are being given to an American company, Bristows, to operate. They are based in Houston. The current operators of the service, mentioned above are based in the United Kingdom. For now, anyway. Who knows when the government will privatise the Navy? Oh. Hang on. The previous lunatics had already begun that process with the Royal Navy operating 3 River class offshore patrol boats leased from BAE systems. That lease arrangement ran from 2003 to 2013 when the government bought the ships from BAE for £39 Million. Given that they cost an average of £20 Million per year in running costs, they seem a tad expensive at a minimum of £239 million.
And how about the railways? The government announced today they are hell bent on the rail privatisation plan they recently screwed up (West Coast lines?) and their first priority is to get the East Coast line back into private hands. 4 years after National Express walked away from it, leaving the tax payer to pick up the tab.
I am going for lie down in a dark room.